Last-minute changes can really throw you for a loop.
Especially if it happens without warning.
Now, you could complain and stubbornly try to stick to your guns as you ride it out, or you can purposefully look for opportunities to learn, grow, and test yourself.
One attitude will keep you resentful and wary of the future.
The other will keep you positive and excited for what's to come.
I know what I'd prefer to be.
I Joined A Men's Group And It Changed Me
When I made my commitment at the beginning of this year - 2019 - to build better relationships, be they new or existing, I did wonder if I would be able to achieve it.
As with most incidents of ‘resolution-making’, I was conscientious in my efforts in the first month of the year.
And then, invariable, life gets in the way and I started to question my commitment.
Then, after a fateful meeting at an event in March - the Men’s Symposium, I met an intriguing gentleman, who invited me to a new initiative he just started - a Men’s Group.
Prior to this, I’d wondered if such groups even existed. And so, I went to my first meeting.
And it was remarkable. To be fair, I didn’t know what to expect. Even so, it was nothing like I imagined (or feared).
The atmosphere was welcoming, the attendees were fully present, and I went away with a new sense of possibilities for the year.
This is an excerpt from a FB post I made about the event:
Finally, in the evening, by invitation, I joined him and 3 other men in my first ever Men's Group. We watched a docu-film called 'The Work' by directors Jairus McLeary and Gethin Aldous (Men, you really should look this up and watch it. I don't recommend anything lightly, as those of you who've known me for some time will know).
We then came together afterwards to discuss the film and share our thoughts.
I must say that, prior to last night, I had never even really heard of Men's Groups. One of the reasons I joined last evening was that I had been feeling a sense of isolation for some time and, late last year, I realised how un-connected I was.
The main question in my mind was, 'Who can I open up to when I face problems?'
While amongst the others present last evening, I learned that I was not the only one asking this question.
So it was serendipitous that I met him at the Men's Symposium last Sunday and he happened to be hosting the Group yesterday.
Thank you for extending the invitation. I don't think you know what it means to me to have visited your Group. Nevertheless, I am deeply thankful that you reached out. I look forward to contributing more in the future if you'll have me.
By the 3rd one or so, I was awash with a familiar doubt.
“I don’t feel like being there. How does this help me? I’m not making a difference there. Why bother?'“
I seriously contemplated not turning up for the next one.
“What difference would it make?” I asked myself.
It is at times like these that I realise how important to my mental well-being it is to make decisions before they need to be made. As I had already decided to keep attending early on, I kept to my decision.
And I never doubted myself in this area again.
Since that incident, I had ‘religiously’ been present at every monthly meeting.
At this point, having just attended the 10th session (I hope my math is right), I told the group my experience and that I had grown since that first meeting.
Because our meetings are meant to be private, I am not at liberty to disclose what we have discussed or done in them. Suffice it to say that I have found them to be an important part of my growth this year.
I am immensely grateful to have found this group of men. Though we aren’t necessarily ‘brothers in arms’ in closeness (yet), I know that I can count on at least some of them should I ever need to call for an listening ear or for help.
It is a relief to know that I am not the only one bothered by the oft-unspoken loneliness that many men face.
Though we may put on a brave front or say that we are fine, more often than not, we aren’t.
I believe that this needs to be a more widespread thing. And as I have been inspired, so shall I inspire others.
Perhaps in 2020, I will start one and see where that takes us. There is much to consider, of course, but, as one of the lessons I learned attending this Group, I need to take action, not just stay in my head.
Here’s to a connected 2020, for all men everywhere.
As I Reflect Upon 2016
With just over a week to go before 2017, I decided to take some time to reflect upon my 2016.
At the beginning of the year, I offered my Word of the Year as: Speak.
I refer to this part of my post on January 14 2016:
I intend to:
a) Become a true-blue professional Speaker (finally!)
b) Speak for necessary change
c) Speak, not just talk
d) Speak to new contacts and networks
For a), I have taken numerous steps towards it, having spoken at a couple of events and having joined professional networks of speakers. I consider a) to be fulfilled.
For b), I have come up with proposals for changes in my church as well as long-term plans for change in certain aspects of education in Singapore. I consider b) to be fulfilled.
For c), I have always taken what I say seriously. To fulfill this for 2016, I further reduced unnecessary speech and was mindful to speak mostly when needed or called upon. I took care to reduce Teacher Talking Time (TTT) when I taught, giving my learners time to explore the subjects instead. Of course, more improvement is needed, but I consider c) to be fulfilled.
For d) I have made many new contacts this year, both within the training and gem industries, as well as out of it. I have a much greater appreciation of how collaboration can benefit businesses and individual growth. I will continue to be part of these networks and to contribute to them as I am able. Therefore, d) is fulfilled.
Apart from my Word of the Year, it feels almost unbelievable that so many things (relationships, networks, businesses, personal pursuits) can be started and accomplished in the space of 365 days. Though I often feel that I have wasted a fair bit of that time, I am quite amazed at how much I have managed to get done this year.
I will look to 2016 as the year of explosive growth and development - a year to emulate, as a benchmark for the years to come.
How has your year been? How ever you feel you've journeyed in 2016, it's not over yet! Let's use the time we have left in 2016 fruitfully, in service of others.
